


Gone, Gone, Gone

by Readerfangirl1



Series: A Dead Man [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Comatose Finn, Gay Poe Dameron, M/M, POV Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron Can Sing, Sad Ending, Sad in general, Self-Harm, Tragic Romance, tragic in general
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 20:19:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7004902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readerfangirl1/pseuds/Readerfangirl1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Leia can force Poe on a mission, he visits Finn in the hospital one last time. Accepting that the ex-stormtrooper will probably never wake up again, he sings him "Gone, Gone, Gone" by Phillip Phillips</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone, Gone, Gone

I almost got lost when I was going to Finn’s room that morning. 

I knew, for sure, at that moment that I was losing it.

I knew the way to his hospital room like the back of my hand. I had travelled down those claustrophobic, sterilized halls too many times to count over the past two months. It’d been weeks since I’d even talked to the nurses that worked there- I came so frequently that I didn’t need to sign in at the front desk. They knew I was coming. 

They must have been the ones that told the general about me. I didn’t see why it mattered- my vacation leave was only a few months away, what did it matter if I took it now? I usually worked right through it anyways. 

I was just taking a break. I was upset, and the thought of leaving Finn here alone terrified me. What if his heart stopped? Would they tell me? Would they hold a funeral? 

And what if he woke up? Rey was off training with Luke, so I couldn’t rely on her to help Finn adjust. Jessika was on a mission in the Outer Rim, and wasn’t supposed to return for another few weeks. BB-8 was convinced that Finn was making me depressed, so I didn’t trust him anywhere near the guy. And Leia was too busy to genuinely look after him. 

Whatever happened, I needed to be here for him. 

I couldn’t waste my time on some B-class trade journey. It was just transporting goods to another galaxy- the kind of thing that they gave to rookies. Busywork. It wasn’t the kind that was worth leaving Finn for.

I mean, I couldn’t really think of anything that was worth it… but that’s beside the point. 

Leia was just overreacting. I’d tried to arrange a meeting with her, so I could personally tell her that this whole “mission” she’d devised for me was bullshit, but she refused to talk to me. I hated it, the way she was treating me like I was the problematic one…

I slammed the door of Finn’s room closed. 

My hands were trembling. 

“Sorry.” I mumbled, even though I knew Finn wasn’t awake.

I walked over to his window, pulling the curtains open. It’d been raining for three days straight, but I still thought that at least part of Finn would be happy to see outside. 

“Rain,” I could hear my mom’s voice in my head, “it’s pretty, don’t you think?”

The last thing I needed to think about right now was my mom. I’d already been seeing her enough in my nightmares. 

I don’t know why I was thinking about her so much now… I mean, it’s not like I didn’t miss her. It’d been a tragedy when I was a kid. Don’t get me wrong. But she’d died twenty-four years ago. And I’d thought I was over it, to say the least. 

It’s not like she was like Finn. I loved her, sure, but it wasn’t the same. I barely remembered when she was alive. Almost all of my love for her was rooted in bitterness, coming from the years after her death when I was plagued with guilt for not appreciating her enough. 

Finn was different. I loved him from the moment I met him; it just took a while to get used to it. I was ready now. I was ready to love him.   
That reminded me of the dream I’d had last night…

“Mom,” I’d said, “you wouldn’t believe how amazing he is. You’re going to love him. I just know it.”

She’d furrowed her brow, like she was confused. “Who’re we talking about, again?”

“Finn,” I’d frowned, “obviously.”

“But…” my mom had looked at me worryingly, “Honey… Finn’s dead. You know that.” 

“No, he’s not.” 

“Are you sure you’re feeling all right?” she’d pressed her palm to my forehead, but I swatted it away. 

“What’s wrong with you?” I’d barked, “Finn’s alive! I just saw him!”

“We need to take you to the hospital.” 

“Nothing’s wrong with me,” I’d insisted, “Finn is perfectly fine. In more ways than one.” 

My mom hadn’t look reassured. “Poe… I know you miss him, but he’s still-“

“He’s not dead,” I’d muttered, “But you are.”

She’d ignored that. “Finn’s dead. Why don’t you remember?”

I’d tried to argue, but I couldn’t get the words out. I was completely sure, in the dream, that Finn was alive and well. I couldn’t understand why my mom- my dead mom- was trying to convince me otherwise. Finn’s dead, she’d told me, over and over again, until my hands were dripping in blood, and my ears were in a ragged pile on the laminate floor. 

I’d woken up screaming, with BB-8 looking down at me nervously.

I hesitated for a minute, thinking that I could tell Finn about my dream. There was no one here to listen and judge me. He was the only sentient-ish person I could tell without having them call me crazy. 

Go on, Poe. Tell your half-dead, not-quite-boyfriend about a nightmare you had. Tell him about the dream where you ripped your ears off because you couldn’t deal with someone saying they were dead. That sounds romantic. 

“I know I haven’t brought my guitar the last few times,” I said awkwardly, “but Leia- you know, the general here- is forcing me to leave on a mission. I’ll only be gone for a few days- a week at most- but I thought, you know, you might want to hear me sing before I leave.”

As usual, Finn didn’t respond. 

“I guess I’ll get right into it,” I nodded to myself, setting my hands up for the opening chord, “This one’s a little more country than the other ones- it’s called Gone, Gone, Gone by Philip Philips.”

It was a fairly simple song- I’d perfected it years ago- but it was exactly the kind of song I needed. Something stable. Something that could play itself. Something to entertain my hands with, while my mind sat in the foreground, studying the lines of Finn’s face. 

He’d lost so much weight during his coma. From the first day we’d met, to now, he must have dropped thirty pounds. They were pumping nutrients into his blood through an IV, just to keep him alive, but everyone knew that was a pale excuse for eating. I’d already decided that was the first thing I was going to do once he woke up- take him out to eat.

“Baby, I’m not moving on… I’ll love you long after you’re gone…” I hummed, “For you, for you… you will never sleep alone, I’ll love you long after you’re gone… and long after you’re gone, gone, gone…”

My voice cracked a little on the second-last verse- “like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you”- but at least I made it through the whole way through the song this time. 

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve before I left, careful to make sure they covered the thinly crooked scars on my wrists.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey people, 
> 
> Thank you all again for reading! I hope you didn't cry too much *evil cackling* remember when I told you Poe wouldn't be a sad little puppy forever? I wasn't lying, actually- no spoilers, but next Saturday won't be all tragic. It's also going to be the last installment of this series, so I hope you all tune in next week (same bat-time, same bat-channel). 
> 
> May the gay be with you,   
> Mackenzie


End file.
